If I Tell ~ Gill Perdue

I finished this gripping thriller in two sittings, the first was on an overnight stint in an overcrowded A&E room. So often with this book, fact and fiction merged for me, beginning when two policemen arrived at the hospital with a man in handcuffs, seeking medical assistance.  For those of you who don't know, this is not unlike the scenario at the start of Perdue's first novel in the Shaw and Darmody series, 'If I Tell'. The second and final sitting was late last night and I awoke this morning wondering how the main characters, Laura, Jenny and Niamh were doing - a telltale sign that a book has gotten under my skin, and this one certainly did. 

However, the most striking thing for me about this book was how acquainted I am with where the book is set. The story takes place in Dublin, yes, but it is based close to where I live and work, so at times it felt as if the text was not a piece of imaginary work but an article from a local newspaper. I think, if anything, this amplified the plot's chilling effect on me as a reader. Knowing so well the streets where some of the darkest events happen in the book, I found myself texting my teenage daughter to cut her evening walk short and keep to the main roads.

But that is probably the same for so many people who have read this novel, and that is the point: location doesn’t actually matter - violence against women and children can happen anywhere, anytime.  There's a normalcy to it that this book rails against at its very core. Enough is enough, Perdue shouts to the sky, the reader, the world.  Like one protagonist says to the other: 'We both have to tell our stories - so that it stops happening'. 

This in a vital way, is what Perdue is doing by writing this book - it is the titular concern after all - 'If I Tell Worse Will Happen'.  I wasn't expecting how outspoken and defiant Laura would be as she reflects on the injustice shown to all those who are subject to unspeakable violence. Yet in her book, Perdue is braver than most because she writes the unspeakable, and her gaze is steadfast and fixed. She insists that we do not look away. She cleverly takes us through the ordeal that her characters face because she has woven a story around them that is genuine, compelling, and that we can relate to, with characters that are warm, familiar, and that we are totally invested in.  So when they finally open-up and tell their stories, we feel compelled to listen, regardless of how unsettling and disturbing those words are to hear. With passionate words reminiscent of Bronte’s Jane Eyre, Perdue decries the injustice of the justice system, and demands change. 

Bronte gave us one defiant voice in her book where Perdue gives us three: Laura, Niamh and Jenny.  A triptych of female narrators, all speaking in the first-person present-tense, creates three-fold tension and a powerful sense of immediacy. The technique allows us to get inside the heads of three very important female characters, and while there are male characters in the text, we only view them at a distance. I think the impact of this on the reader is that we gain a very strong understanding of the female experience in the world of the novel, which reflects the book's theme and is crucial to its success. That being said, there are lots of interesting male characters here too and each of the women have positive experiences with men.  Niamh's father is very kind and accepting of her.  Laura's husband is forever patient and understanding, and Jenny's father, and boyfriend Luke, are both very tender and sensitive to her needs. Perhaps this is something that Persue will devlop in her second novel in the Shaw and Darmody series, called 'When They See Me', which is out now.

'If I Tell' is great company if you are ever stuck in A&E, or anywhere indeed, and need a gripping read to whisk you away to another reality, even if and especially perhaps, it happens to be set on your doorstep!  It may be all the more thrilling for that.

Michelle Burrowes